If you’re feeling stuck in a decision right now, you’re not alone. And you’re not failing.
I see this pattern constantly with the women I work with. Smart, capable, thoughtful women who can make complex decisions at work… yet feel completely paralysed when it comes to decisions about their own lives.
Career moves. Boundaries. Whether to stay or leave something. Whether to say yes, no, or “not yet.”
They go round and round in their heads, trying to think their way to certainty.
They tell me:
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m so overwhelmed.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“I’m scared of making the wrong decision.”
What they often don’t realise is that indecision isn’t just a lack of clarity. It’s often a nervous system response.
Let’s break down why decision making feels so hard and what actually helps us move forward.
1. We treat decisions like they’re forever decisions
One of the biggest reasons decisions feel so heavy is that we unconsciously frame them as permanent. I call them “forever decisions”.
“If I choose this, I’m locked in.”
“If I get this wrong, everything unravels.”
“What if I regret it?”
When the stakes feel that high, of course, your system hesitates. Your brain’s job is to keep you safe, and “forever decisions” sound and feel risky. But most decisions aren’t final, they’re directional. You’re choosing a next step, not a life sentence. Gathering information, not predicting the future. When we forget this, we freeze because we’re trying to guarantee an outcome that no human can guarantee.
2. We overthink because we believe thinking will protect us
Another common pattern: the endless “what ifs.”
What if it doesn’t work out?
What if I disappoint someone?
What if I make it worse?
What if I can’t undo it?
What if…
Many women believe, often unconsciously, that if they think long enough and hard enough, they’ll be able to avoid pain, disappointment, or uncertainty. But thinking can’t protect you from discomfort. It can only delay it.
Overthinking is usually an attempt to create certainty in a situation that doesn’t offer any. And the more uncertain the decision feels, the more your brain ramps up the analysis. This is why people can feel exhausted without taking any action. The mental load alone is draining.
3. We don’t actually know what we want and hope thinking will fix that
This is a big one, and it deserves compassion.
Many women don’t know what they want, not because they’re out of touch or indecisive by nature, but because they’ve spent years prioritising everyone else’s needs. They know what’s not working and what they don’t want anymore. But when it comes to naming what they do want, they’re not sure.
So they keep thinking. They weigh pros and cons, replay conversations and wait for confidence to appear. But clarity doesn’t usually come from more thinking. It comes from action. You don’t build confidence before action. You build it through action.
4. We let logic override our inner voice
When people are stuck, I often notice that their decision-making process lives entirely in their thoughts and focuses on logic and other people’s opinions.
What makes sense?
What’s logical?
What’s safest?
What will other people think?
What’s missing is any real check-in with themselves.
How does this option feel in my body?
What am I craving more of right now?
What feels aligned? (not perfect, but honest)
What do I really need?
When you don’t include yourself in the decision, it’s no wonder nothing lands and decision making feels so hard.
5. We feel responsible for making a decision that takes everyone into account
For many women, especially mothers, decisions are rarely just about them. They’re filtered through partners, children, parents, workplaces, cultural expectations, and the invisible pressure to keep everyone comfortable.
So instead of asking, “What do I want?” The question becomes, “What will cause the least disruption?”, or “What will make everyone else happy?”
That’s not a decision-making problem. That’s a self-abandonment pattern that occurs when you’re conditioned to look after everyone else’s needs first and make yours as invisible as possible so they don’t inconvenience or burden anyone. It makes choices feel heavy and difficult.
6. We focus on what could go wrong, not what could go right
Fear has a very loud voice. It’s excellent at pointing out risks, but terrible at imagining possibilities. When fear is in control, we fixate on worst-case scenarios while ignoring potential gains. It’s no wonder decision making feels so hard!
What if this gives me more energy?
What if I feel lighter?
What if I grow?
What if this opens something new?
What’s the best possible outcome?
Balanced decision-making means holding both sides of the equation. I often say to clients, if you’re going to spend so much time considering what could go wrong, it’s only fair that you also spend time considering what could go well.
Why Moving Forward Feels So Uncomfortable
Uncertainty feels threatening to the brain. From a neuroscience perspective, the brain prefers the familiar, even when the familiar isn’t good for us. Staying stuck can feel safer than stepping into the unknown, because at least we know what to expect, even if we don’t particularly like it.
So if you feel anxious, hesitant, or frozen, that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means your system is trying to protect you.
The work isn’t to eliminate discomfort. It’s to learn how to move with it.
What Actually Helps When You’re Stuck
Here are some grounded, practical shifts I use with clients.
1. Shrink the decision
Remind yourself this is not a “forever decision” (few decisions are). Decisions give you information that helps inform future decisions. In most situations, you can change your mind, adjust or pivot.
Shift the decision from “What’s the right choice for the rest of my life?” to “What’s a reasonable next step, given what I know right now?”
Then ask yourself:
“What options will I still have after I choose this?”
“What could I adjust if it’s not working?”
“What’s the smallest step I could take without closing every door?”
2. Stop waiting for confidence or certainty
Avoidance never helped anyone feel more confident or at ease in the long term. Confidence is built through action, not the other way around. And you don’t need certainty to take a step. You need enough safety to move.
If you’re waiting to feel sure and 100% confident before you move, you may be waiting indefinitely.
What is the one next small step you can take?
3. Reconnect with yourself and your inner wisdom
Swap “What should I do?” for:
“What do I need more of right now?” e.g. Rest? Space? Challenge? Support? Time?
“How does my body feel when I think about each of the options?”
“If no one else’s needs or opinions mattered, what would I choose?”
“If there were no limitations, what would I do?”
This brings your inner wisdom back into the decision and helps you make a decision that will feel more aligned with who you are and what you value.
4. Notice whose voice is loudest
When you’re weighing options, ask yourself, “Is this my voice, or someone else’s?”
Notice if the voice represents someone you don’t want to disappoint, or an expectation you’ve absorbed over time. Naming it stops the decision from being run entirely by habit or expectation and awareness creates a bit of space for you to then include yourself in the decision.
5. Let discomfort be part of the process
Discomfort doesn’t necessarily mean danger. It often means growth. You can feel uncertain and move forward at the same time.
So, when you notice discomfort, name it. Identify the emotions you are experiencing. Observe how the discomfort feels in your body and know that you can welcome and allow it to be there. Discomfort can also be accompanied by seemingly opposing emotions – excitement, hope, anticipation. You’re stepping into something new, and learning to stay with the feelings, rather than retreat from them, is often the difference between staying stuck and moving forward.
A Final Word
You don’t get unstuck by thinking harder. You get unstuck by being brave enough to move without guarantees.
You can’t predict the future. None of us can. But you can learn to trust yourself to respond to whatever comes next. And that trust, which is built through action, reflection, and support, is far more powerful than certainty.
If you’re feeling stuck in a decision and tired of carrying it alone, this is exactly the kind of work I do with women every day. Not pushing or rushing, but supporting you to move forward with honesty, courage, and self-trust.
If that sounds like what you need, you’re welcome to reach out. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to take the next step.
If you notice that your mind tends to spin, loop or replay the same thoughts over and over, you might also find my article on overthinking helpful. This post explores what happens when thinking becomes unhelpful and how to interrupt those mental cycles so you can move forward. Check it out here.
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