Louise East Coaching and Consulting
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One of my clients told me that she was shy. And I One of my clients told me that she was shy. And I remember thinking quietly to myself: “That’s interesting… because your life tells a much more complicated story than that.” She was speaking up in meetings. Trying new things. Building relationships. Putting herself into situations that would have terrified her years earlier. But she still saw herself through the identity she developed as a child. Shy. Quiet. Hesitant. When I reflected this back to her, she was genuinely surprised. She had been so focused on the moments where she still felt uncertain that she hadn’t noticed all the evidence that she had changed. I think many women do this (including me!). We carry old identity stories into adulthood and motherhood without fully questioning whether they still fit. “The anxious one.” “The high achiever.” “The independent one.” “The caring and nurturing one.” And because the brain likes familiarity, it scans for evidence that confirms those stories while filtering out moments that contradict them. That’s why we can’t always see our growth, but we can’t stop focusing on our self-doubt. We need to collect evidence that supports who we really are now. Because these stories are only part of the picture. There’s so much more to notice! Maybe you still overthink sometimes. And maybe you’re also becoming someone who speaks up more. Maybe you still struggle with perfectionism. And maybe you’re also learning to let things be good enough. Both things can exist at once. I wrote more about this in my latest blog post because I think many working mothers are carrying identities that no longer fully reflect who they are becoming. Read the blog via the link in my bio. 🩷 #matrescence #identityshift #workingmothers #peoplepleasing #motherhoodjourney
When we feel guilty, the first place we turn is ou When we feel guilty, the first place we turn is ourselves.⁠ ⁠ What did I do wrong? I should have done better. Why can’t I handle this better? ⁠ Sometimes guilt is helpful. It can guide us to repair something that matters. ⁠ But in motherhood, so much guilt comes from trying to live up to impossible expectations. ⁠ Standards that were never designed to support mothers — only to exhaust them. ⁠ So instead of constantly questioning yourself, start questioning the ideals. ⁠ Where did these expectations come from? Are they realistic? Are they aligned with your values? ⁠ You are not failing because you cannot meet impossible standards. 🤍 ⁠ I created a FREE resource guide to help you start releasing mum guilt and reconnecting with the kind of mother and woman you want to be. ⁠ Link in bio to download the FREE Mum Guilt Resource Guide. ⁠ #mumguilt #mumguiltisreal #motherhoodunplugged #honestmotherhood #matrescence
One of the loneliest feelings in working motherhoo One of the loneliest feelings in working motherhood can be feeling like you’re carrying the emotional weight of family life largely on your own, even when other forms of support exist. We look around and think: “He works hard.” “He provides.” “We have help.” “I’m coping compared to many women.” So why do I still feel exhausted, tense, resentful or unseen? Motherhood is not only physical labour. It’s emotional, mental and relational labour too. It’s anticipating needs before they become problems. Watching everyone’s moods. Thinking ahead constantly. Holding the emotional tone of the home. Being the one who notices, remembers, plans, softens, regulates and responds. And for working mothers, this sits alongside paid work, deadlines, decisions and the pressure of trying to do multiple roles well at once. When that labour goes unseen for long enough, many women start questioning themselves instead of questioning the dynamic. “Maybe I’m too sensitive.” “Maybe I expect too much.” “Maybe I just need to cope better.” If that’s you, you’re not imagining how heavy this feels. Many of us were socialised to see this labour as invisible or simply “what mothers do.” At the same time, many men were not raised to notice or participate in this layer of family life in the same way. And this is where matrescence matters too. Motherhood changes women psychologically, emotionally and relationally. Many mothers become more aware of emotional safety, connection, regulation, values and the atmosphere their children are growing up in. That can create huge tension in relationships, especially when one parent feels deeply immersed in family life and the other remains more detached from it. None of this means fathers don’t get tired or that financial support doesn’t matter. Of course it does. But financial provision alone does not remove the emotional weight of carrying family life largely alone. What you’re feeling makes sense. 🤍 #workingmothers #emotionalload #matrescence #modernmotherhood #motherhoodandcareer
There was a time in my corporate career when I was There was a time in my corporate career when I was offered an opportunity to work in London for 6 months. If it had been at any other time in my life prior, I would have jumped at the opportunity. But at that point in my life, I needed stability and support more than I needed that job. Unfortunately, a senior leader who didn't know me well and had no idea what was going on in my life was overheard saying I wasn't ambitious. That comment stayed with me for a long time. My complex, deeply personal decision was reduced to a simplistic judgment about success and who I was. This happens to women, and especially mothers, all the time. We make decisions based on our capacity, wellbeing, relationships, values, children, mental health, support systems, changing priorities or what we genuinely need in a season of life… …and people interpret those decisions through very narrow definitions of ambition, success or commitment. As though there is only one acceptable path. One right choice. One version of a meaningful life. But motherhood changes us. Matrescence changes us. Our priorities, desires and definition of success can all shift. That doesn't mean women have become less intelligent, less driven or less capable, but because of how our choices are sometimes perceived, I think many women are carrying shame about choices that were actually thoughtful, self-aware and deeply responsible. This is part of why I do the work I do. Because women deserve space to make decisions that fit their real lives, not just other people’s expectations of who they should be. #workingmothers #matrescence #womenwholead #motherhoodandcareer #workingmumlife
I spent a lot of my life trying to be “good.” Goo I spent a lot of my life trying to be “good.” Good at school. Good at relationships. Good at work. Good at coping. Good at motherhood. And underneath a lot of that was fear. Fear of getting things wrong. Fear of failing. Fear of disappointing people. When I became a mother, those patterns intensified. I thought I had to do everything well all at once. I put enormous pressure on myself because I believed that getting things wrong would somehow harm my child or mean I was failing as a mother. What I understand now is that many of us carry identity stories that formed long before motherhood. “The good girl.” “The high achiever.” “The capable one.” “The easy one.” And motherhood has a way of exposing the pressure and exhaustion those identities can create when we cling to them too tightly. Especially in a culture where mothers already feel pressure to do everything well. One of the biggest shifts for me was realising that the standards of modern motherhood are often unrealistic and unsustainable. No woman can do all of it perfectly, and trying to often disconnects us from ourselves in the process. I wrote a new blog post about the identity stories many working mothers carry, where they come from, and how matrescence can bring them to the surface in ways we don’t expect. Read the full article via the link in my bio. #matrescence #workingmothers #motherhoodandidentity #perfectionism #motherhoodjourney
We tell mothers to ask for help. And at the same We tell mothers to ask for help. And at the same time, we admire the women who seem able to do everything themselves. That contradiction runs deep. It shapes how women relate to support, competence, guilt, and even rest. Which is why “just ask for help” can feel much more complicated than it sounds. This isn’t simply an individual mindset issue. There are real social messages underneath it. And we need to talk about those messages because women don’t need more shame layered onto the pressure they already carry. They need support that feels possible to receive. Curious if this resonates. Send me a message or comment below. #workingmothers #mentalload #motherhoodandcareer #motherhoodandambition #emotionallabour
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