Have you ever sat in a meeting, listening to your colleagues speak, and thought, I don’t really belong here?
Do you ever downplay your achievements, second-guess your abilities, or fear that one day, everyone will realise you’re not as capable as they think?
If so, you’re not alone. Imposter syndrome — the persistent feeling of being a fraud despite evidence of success — is a common experience.
It leads people to feel that they don’t deserve the success they have achieved, attributing it to luck, timing or overestimation of their capability and achievements by others. Imposter syndrome can be situational, meaning that you only experience it in certain environments or settings, for example, meetings with more senior colleagues or when you are presenting.
If you experience imposter syndrome, you may find yourself striving for perfection and feeling inadequate when you can’t meet these unrealistically high standards. You might also be prone to overwork and burnout because you believe you need to work extra hard to be successful. Mistakes or failures feel particularly threatening because they could potentially expose where you are lacking.
Why Working Mothers Experience Imposter Syndrome
Research shows that imposter syndrome disproportionately affects women, and for mothers, the pressure is even greater. Let me share 5 key reasons for this:
The ‘Ideal Worker’ Myth: The workplace was historically designed around an “ideal worker” who is fully available, uninterrupted by caregiving responsibilities. When we’re balancing work and family, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling short. When we couple this with the Perfect Mother Myth, women are feeling torn between two sets of unrealistic expectations, feeling like they need to work like they don’t have children and mother like they don’t work.
Stereotypes About Mothers: Studies show that working mothers are often seen as either less committed employees or less devoted parents (this isn’t true). No matter what we do, it can feel like we’re failing someone. There are also (unfounded) biases about the capability and productivity of working mothers which women may encounter in the workplace.
Social Conditioning: Many of us have been taught to be humble, not to take up too much space, and to wait until we’re 110% qualified before putting ourselves forward. It’s interesting to note that research shows that men tend to apply for jobs when they meet only 60% of the qualifications.
Disconnection: Many working mothers report feeling disconnected from their work self after taking an extended break (I’m using the word ‘break’ in relation to pausing paid work for a while, because we all know that looking after children 24/7 is not really a break). They question their skills and value, and often fear they have fallen behind in terms of their skills and knowledge.
Shifting Priorities: Our values, identity and priorities shift in motherhood, meaning that we may experience uncertainty about career direction, discover new goals or feel differently about the amount of time, energy or attention we dedicate to work. This doesn’t mean we are no longer ambitious or career oriented. We may just view and approach things differently.
As you can see, as with many challenges in motherhood, imposter syndrome isn’t just a personal struggle — it’s also a reflection of broader societal expectations and the natural transformation we go through in motherhood (our matrescence).
7 Ways to Overcome Imposter Syndrome and Build Confidence
1. Rewrite Your Inner Narrative
The first step is noticing when imposter thoughts creep in. These thoughts aren’t the truth and we need to challenge and reframe them. Instead of believing I’m not good enough, reframe it as I’m experiencing self-doubt because I care about doing well.
Next time you catch yourself thinking, I don’t deserve this, challenge that thought with facts. Keep a folder of positive feedback, achievements, and reminders of what you’ve accomplished. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.
2. Talk About It
Imposter syndrome thrives in silence. Share your experiences with other working mothers or colleagues you trust. You’ll likely find that even the most successful people you know have had similar doubts.
3. Celebrate your achievements and expertise
Practice saying “thank you” when you receive a compliment instead of deflecting. Get comfortable acknowledging your expertise. Refer to your list of achievements and positive feedback and reflect on the effort, commitment and capability you needed to get there. You’ve worked hard to get where you are — own it!
4. Take Action Before You Feel Ready
Confidence comes from action. Apply for the role. Speak up in the meeting. Take the opportunity even if you feel like you’re not quite ready. Growth happens when we step outside our comfort zone. If a goal seems overwhelming, break it down into smaller, more manageable steps so you can experience a sense of accomplishment and progress.
5. Reframe Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Everyone makes mistakes. Practice self-compassion when things don’t go the way you’d hoped and look for the learning as a valuable outcome, instead of validation.
6. Reframe What Success Looks Like
Rather than just accepting societal definitions of success, decide what success means to you – both personally and professionally. Being a great worker doesn’t require sacrificing everything else. Overwork may be glorified in the modern working world, but it is healthy to have boundaries and challenge unrealistic expectations.
7. Recognise and Name the Systemic Barriers and Stereotypes
Imposter syndrome often makes women think they are the problem, but it’s important to recognise that workplace structures and cultural biases contribute to these feelings. Instead of internalising doubt, reframe it as a sign that the system needs to change, not that you need to ‘fix’ yourself. Being able to spot the systemic issues that impact us provides protection from making ourselves the problem.
Challenge stereotypes and bias in the workplace. Research studies clearly state that working mothers are very productive and capable, that the involvement of women in workplaces improves innovation and that those in leadership positions do more to improve innovation, trust, retention and employee satisfaction than their male counterparts. These are just a few examples but suffice to say, you are a valuable addition to the workforce!
You Are More Capable Than You Think
If you’ve ever felt like an imposter, remember: You didn’t get where you are by accident. You belong in the rooms you’re in. Your self-doubt doesn’t reflect your true abilities and value. You are qualified, capable, and stronger than your self-doubt wants you to believe. And most importantly, you are not alone.
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