Life can be challenging, and those challenges often feel relentless. Juggling paid work, domestic duties, mothering, other responsibilities, our wellbeing and personal aspirations is tough. We’re constantly offered well-meaning advice to “look on the bright side” or “find the silver lining.” As a coach, I know that mindset can change our experience of our daily reality and I believe that positivity is very valuable. However, it’s also important and okay to give yourself permission to feel and process difficult emotions without needing to turn them into something bright and shiny.
In an endless quest to find a positive spin on every situation, we may actually be doing ourselves a disservice. I want to offer a gentle reminder that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling without forcing a silver lining — and that taking this approach might be just what you need to thrive in the long run.
Authenticity Matters More Than Optimism
When we’re told to “look on the bright side,” it can feel like a subtle dismissal of what we’re going through. It sends a message that difficult experiences aren’t worth acknowledging unless they have a silver lining. But, truthfully, some experiences don’t need to be justified or reframed, they just need to be felt. By pushing away these difficult feelings, we can inadvertently devalue the gravity of what we’re going through.
If you’re experiencing a challenging phase – whether it’s stress from work, sleepless nights with a newborn, parenting struggles, or the struggle of balancing career and family – the need to find something positive can feel exhausting. Acknowledging your experience and sitting with those feelings without judgment is far more compassionate and authentic. Rather than forcing optimism, give yourself permission to be real. You don’t have to be okay, and that’s okay. You can always return to optimism later.
So, when you’re exhausted after a long and stressful day at work, picking up your tired and cranky kids, and barely managing to put dinner on the table, you don’t need to force yourself to find a positive spin. It’s enough to simply admit, “Today was hard.” This kind of honesty can be freeing, giving you permission to feel the weight of your experience without the added burden of finding something good in it.
Emotional Honesty Teaches Resilience
Allowing yourself to feel difficult emotions is the foundation of resilience. Resilience is built through honest emotional processing – not by bypassing those feelings. Embracing hardship doesn’t mean dwelling in negativity but rather allowing yourself to feel deeply and fully. When we acknowledge our pain, frustration, or exhaustion, we actually give ourselves the space to process those feelings and eventually move through them.
No one is happy all the time and everyone experiences challenges and struggles. Difficult emotions are part of living a rich and meaningful life, and they have something to tell us about our experience in the world. They reflect the impact of our experiences.
When they see you confront challenges with honesty rather than denial, your children learn that all emotions are valid, which will in turn help them be resilient in their lives.
Pushing Difficult Emotions Aside Makes Them Stronger
Research shows that when we suppress, ignore, or push difficult emotions aside, they don’t go away. In fact, they get stronger, simmering and growing below the surface. They will eventually come back to the surface, but not always in a manner or at a time that we want them to (think about the times you’ve said things you regret or acted in a way that you wish you hadn’t because you’ve reached your limits). As Carl Jung famously said, “What you resist, persists.”
This is called the amplification effect.
Difficult emotions are trying to tell you something about your experiences. Something needs your attention. If you ignore them, the warning signals don’t go away, they get louder.
Self-Compassion Over Forced Positivity
In times of difficulty, what we need most is self-compassion, not forced positivity. Self-compassion is a gentle acknowledgment that you’re doing your best under tough circumstances. It’s a way of saying, “This is hard, and that’s okay.”
Practicing self-compassion may look like speaking to yourself kindly and with understanding, reminding yourself that everyone struggles sometimes, giving yourself a break when things feel overwhelming, reaching out to friends or family for support, or simply allowing yourself a moment to sit quietly with your emotions. This is a powerful way to care for yourself.
There’s Strength in Sitting with Discomfort
Motherhood is a journey of resilience, and a big part of that resilience comes from sitting with discomfort without needing to transform it. Life isn’t about turning every tough moment into a positive lesson—it’s about embracing the full range of experiences. The truth is, sometimes things are hard, and that’s all they need to be.
Letting yourself fully feel those moments without the burden of forced optimism can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself. It allows you to accept your humanity and honour your experiences. Rather than fighting against your emotions, you can flow with them, respecting each part of your journey for what it truly is.
So, lovely, you don’t need to find the silver lining. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, without editing it or making it pretty. Life is a mosaic of joy, frustration, triumph, and hardship. In giving yourself permission to be fully present in each part, you create space for the true, messy, rich experience of being a mother and a human.
0 Comments